I got a great email from Grant today pointing me toward the complete list of Lifetime Original Movie titles.

Needless to say in seconds I was completely in tears laughing hysterically. I quickly decided I couldn’t stop there- I had to share the movie titles and add a little twist to them, so the following list is comprised of a small sample of GENUINE Lifetime movies followed by my “inspired” subtitles. Enjoy.

• A Prayer in the Dark
  Please God Give Me A Candle
• A Killing Spring
  The Metal Coil From Satan
• Almost Golden
  My Addiction to Spray-on Tanning
• 83 Hours ‘Til Dawn
  And Other Really Damn Long Days
• A Colder Kind of Death
  Fun With The Morgue’s Thermostat
• A Family Torn Apart
  By A Huge Fucking Monster
• A Marriage of Convenience
  Is Better Than One Of Necessity
• A Message From Holly
  I’m Not Just For Wreaths At Christmas Anymore
• A Nightmare Come True
  Gasp! And A Dream Came False!
• A Season in Purgatory
  (Year’s Wrap-Up Of Lifetime Movies)
• A Stoning in Fulham County
  They Grow Really Good Stuff There Man
• A Time to Heal
  Brought To You By Antibacterial Neosporin
• A Town Without Christmas
  Those Pagan Bastards Will Burn
• A Very Cool Christmas
  Snow N’ Shit Dog
• A Will of Their Own
  They’ll Need it Cuz They’re Gonna DIE
• Abducted: A Father’s Love
  …Of Alien Spacecraft And Culture
• After Jimmy
  …Came Ron Reagan. Episode II of Politics For Shut-ins
• All-American Girl: The Mary Kay LeTourneau Story
  Because ‘All-American’ Is The New Term For Child Molester
• All the Winters That Have Been
  …Cold I Licked Flagpoles When Asked To
• An Unexpected Family
  An Unexpected Love
• An Unexpected Love
  An Unexpected Family
• An Unfinished Affair
  Being Walked-In On Sucks Bigtime
• Angela’s Ashes
  Are Blackish But Mostly Gray
• Another Woman’s Husband
  Is Not My Husband’s Wife
• A Date With Darkness
  I Believe In A Thing Called Love
• Any Mother’s Son
  Is Better Than Mine
• Appointment for a Killing
  10:30am. Sharp.
• Are You Lonesome Tonight
  Call 1-900-BIG-LOSR, First Call Only $5
• Armed and Innocent
  Part II: Feeted and Guilty as Hell
• Artificial Lies
  Not Completely Unlike Normal Lies
• At the Mercy of a Stranger
  Yes, We’re Trying to Scare The Crap Out Of You, So Buckle Up

The worst part is that is only a piece of the letter “A” page. Dig deeper to find gems like, “BABY MONITOR: SOUND OF FEAR.” No subtitle necessary, I couldn’t make that up if I tried.